Understanding
by Edenfalls81
Summary: Set during the first few days after the BDM. Jayne and River are alone on the ship and come to an understanding about each other and why they've never gotten along. Not Rayne, just a friendship one shot.


Jayne sighed in contentment as he stuck his head under the shower and let hot water wash over himself

Jayne sighed in contentment as he stuck his head under the shower and let hot water wash over his head and down his back. Staring down at the tile of the shower room floor he watched as blood ran off of his arms and swirled down the drain.

_Not my blood._ Was all he thought as he watched the rust color slowly disappear.

It had been one of the longest days of his life and all he wanted was to get clean, get drunk, and then pass out. He'd spent the morning on the Alliance station in the Med bay visiting with the crew. Mostly he'd spent the time assuring Mal that he wasn't letting the Feds mess with his precious ship and assuring the pansy ass doctor that he wasn't letting the Feds mess with his precious crazy sister.

Jayne shook his head and grunted. He figured he'd have to stop thinking of River as crazy. She sure wasn't acting crazy no more, even if she still weren't quite right. Plus after saving him from getting ate by Reavers he figured he at least owed her a little bit of respect.

After returning to Serenity he'd spent the rest of the day cleaning up from what the Reavers had done. The Operative had sent a group of young Feds over to help with the clean up, but taking care of Wash was one thing he wouldn't let the Alliance do. He wasn't sure if letting River onto the bridge to help had been the best idea, but seeing as how she'd butchered thirty Reavers on her own he figured she could handle it.

It seemed that Reavers only had a taste for the living and thankfully had left Wash's body untouched. Well as untouched as a body could be with a giant harpoon pinning it to its seat. It had taken him the better part of the afternoon to free Wash from the pilot's chair. After that River had solemnly helped him carry Wash to the infirmary and then cleaned him up as best she could before they put his body into the same cryo chamber she herself had once been in.

Jayne turned off the shower and dressed quickly before heading down to the galley to grab something to eat. Jayne wondered if he was supposed to fix something for the moonbrain, _River_, as well. He wasn't used to having anyone else to take care of other than himself, least not since he'd left home.

He found himself absently wishing that Inara was there to keep a look out over River, but she was still in meetings with the Feds and the Companion Guild and didn't know when she would be able to return to Serenity.

He found River asleep on the sofa near the galley. He left her alone, glad that she was quiet and somewhere he could keep an eye on her. Once he finished putting together a protein stew that he figured was at least edible if not delicious he shook River's shoulder gently to wake her up.

"Hey girl dinners ready." He said gruffly when her eyes squinted open.

She didn't reply but simply stared up at him with those big brown eyes of hers.

"Well ya gonna lay there and stare at me all night or are ya gonna come eat somethin?" He barked and headed towards the table without waiting for her.

River silently followed and sat down across from him continuing to stare at him in that creepifying way of hers. Jayne ignored her as he began to eat and after a few minutes she followed his lead and began to eat as well.

"Jayne" River began.

"River" Jayne said at the same time.

The two shared a look of amusement and then waited for the other to continue. After nearly a minute of silence River cleared her throat and began again.

"Jayne, I wish to apologize." She whispered.

" 'Pologize fer wha?" He asked around a mouth full of stew.

"For hurting you with the knife and for hurting you again at the Maiden Head." She explained.

Jayne stared at her in shock for a second before he was able to speak.

"Oh well thanks fer sayin sorry. Guess the bar weren't really yer fault though. Can I ask why ya sliced me with the knife that one time?" He asked, he'd always been curious as to why she'd cut him up.

"Blue Sun was trying to swallow you up. Had to let you out." She replied as if this were supposed to make perfect sense to the Merc.

Usually when she started spouting off crazy gibberish Jayne simply left her for someone else to deal with, but now with no one else to deal with her he was forced to try and sort out her meaning.

He thought back over that day in the galley, trying to remember just what had gone on. He'd been insulting her brother, he'd always just assumed that she was mad cause of that, but that didn't have nothing to do with Blue Sun. What the hell did Blue Sun have to do with it? He sure as hell didn't work for them, didn't even own anything Blue Sun cept for that one t-shirt that he'd thrown away because…

"My shirt? S'that why ya cut me cause I was wearin a Blue Sun shirt?" Jayne asked.

River nodded and looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry my mind was confused. I thought it would hurt you, was trying to protect you."

Jayne took a moment to digest this before he spoke again. "So guess it must be pretty confusing up in that messed up brain 'o yours huh?"

River nodded and gave Jayne a small tight smile. "It used to be. I think perhaps things will be clearer from now on."

"Well that's good. So how come ya don't like Blue Sun?" Jayne asked curiously.

River shrugged and furrowed her brow while she tried to figure out how to explain things to Jayne.

"They are the puppeteers that control the Alliance. They control the Academy and Miranda and many other terrible things."

"Damn Blue Sun is behind all that? I always just thought they sold crappy clothes and drinks and stuff." Jayne commented.

"What did you wish to say?" River asked a few minutes later.

"Oh uh well I was gonna say sorry too. Ya know fer tryin ta turn ya inta the Feds. Weren't right a me." He mumbled uncomfortably.

"I'll forgive you, if you'll forgive me." She replied with a grin.

"Alright deal." He agreed and returned the smile.

Jayne and River went to their rooms as soon as dinner was over, both of them not only physically but emotionally exhausted as well.

The following morning Jayne found two waves waiting for him when he checked the Cortex. The first was from the Alliance hospital informing him that the soonest any of the crew would be released was the following week. The second wave was from Inara explaining that she wouldn't be able to return for at least another five days. Jayne swallowed convulsively when he realized he had almost a week left of looking out for River all on his own. Well he figured that the night before had gone fairly smoothly hopefully the rest of the week would continue on that path.

His hopes were dashed a few minutes later when he found River curled up in a ball on the sofa crying softly.

"Uh River you alright?" He asked uncomfortably, dealing with crying girls was definitely not one of his skills.

River stifled her tears and nodded her head without looking up. Jayne turned to walk away when he heard her sob again quietly.

_Ah gorram it!_ He thought miserably and returned to the sofa to take a seat next to the crying girl.

As soon as he sat down River launched herself at him and suddenly Jayne found himself with a lap full of sniffling, shaking teenage girl. He wasn't sure if he'd ever been so uncomfortable in his whole life, but without even thinking about it he put his arms around her and began to rub her back.

"Hey now little bit, what's the matter?" He whispered.

"Do you think Zoe will hate me?" She whispered into his neck.

"Why would Zoe hate ya?"

"For killing Wash. All my fault. Book too. I killed them both and all the people on Haven. Everyone will hate me for it." She revealed fearfully.

"Hey River ya know I ain't ever really liked you right?" Jayne said suddenly.

River looked up at him with wide, tear filled, confused eyes.

"Well if I don't even like ya much and I don't blame ya fer what happened, what're the chances that the people who do like ya are gonna hate ya fer it? 'Sides it ain't like you chose to come on Serenity, that was all yer brother's doin. Maybe we can all blame him, how's that sound?"

River giggled and looked up at Jayne with a smile on her face. With her long dark hair and those wide brown eyes she suddenly looked so much like Mattie that Jayne felt his heart twist painfully in his chest.

"I'm sorry I make you hurt by looking like her." River whispered suddenly.

Jayne pushed River off of his lap and stood up abruptly.

"Don't go diggin around inside my head ya hear me!" He shouted angrily.

River flinched back against the couch and her eyes filled with tears once again.

"I'm sorry I can't help it." She cried pitifully.

Jayne felt like the Verse's biggest ass right about then. Not only did she look like Mattie, but now she sounded like her as well. He sank down to the floor and sat with his back against the couch so that he didn't have to look at River.

"How much you know about my sister?" He asked.

"Her name is Mattie. I look like her and it makes you angry. You don't like me because I remind you of her. She's sick and when you think about her illness it makes you feel guilty." She replied honestly.

"That it?" He asked.

"That's it." She confirmed. "Why do you think it's your fault that she's sick?" She asked hesitantly.

Jayne once again felt anger building up, but he pushed it down. He figured it weren't River's fault that she looked like Mattie and he'd been taken it out on her long enough.

"Cause it is my fault she's sick. Mattie's my baby sister, only other sibling I got. My pa died when I was twelve, Ma remarried a couple a years later. Mattie was born when I was sixteen." Jayne began, he'd never told anyone about this before and wasn't sure exactly how to put everything into words.

"One day my ma had ta run inta town, me and my girl Beth was supposed ta watch Mattie while she was gone. We was outside on the porch and Mattie was playin in the front yard. We started kissin and stuff, weren't payin no attention to Mattie and she wandered off." Jayne's voice cracked and he stopped talking.

He stared across the galley, remembering back to that sunny day and how terribly he'd failed his baby sister. Suddenly he felt River's hand on his shoulder squeezing it comfortingly. Jayne took a shuddering deep breath before he was able to continue.

"Then I looked up and she was just gone. I ran around the house callin her but she didn't answer. I was so mad at her, figured she was just bein a brat and hidin from me. Then I came round the back a the house and I found her… she was in the pond, just floatin face down not movin." Jayne stopped and choked back a sob.

"She looked so tiny just floatin like that. I never even heard her, but she musta screamed or cried or somethin. I- I jumped in and pulled her out, I started smackin her on the back till she coughed up the water, then I started breathin inta her mouth. Seemed like it took forever till she started breathin on her own."

River tightened her grip on Jayne's shoulder. "You saved her life." She whispered.

"Yeah but it shouldn't a happened at all. Tzao-gao she was only four, I shoulda been watchin her, not kissin on some town girl!" Jayne shouted berating himself the way he'd been doing ever since that day.

"What happened to her after that?" River asked urging him to finish the story.

"Beth ran and got the doc and my ma from town. The doc put her in the hospital for a few days, then let her come home, but she ain't ever been the same. The water damaged her lungs, she's been sickly ever since. And she ain't been quite right, in the head I mean. She don't talk much and she gets scared real easy, has lots a fits bout stuff just like…"

"Just like me." River finished for him.

"Yeah just like you." He admitted. "Sorry guess I was mad at ya for remindin me a her. That weren't yer fault anymore than Wash or Book dyin is."

"I can understand why my presence must be a difficult reminder for you. But it was just an accident Jayne, I'm sure Mattie doesn't blame you for what happened." River encouraged gently.

"No she don't. My ma don't even really blame me no more, but they should. S'my fault it happened. Mattie ain't never gonna have a normal life cause a what happened and that's my doin."

"I won't ever have a normal life either. It's not the most terrible thing in the Verse." River pointed out.

Jayne finally sighed and pulled himself up so that he was sitting on the couch beside River.

"You ever get mad at your brother fer not protectin ya more? Like maybe he shoulda got ya outta that place sooner or not let ya go in the first place?" Jayne asked.

River tilted her head to the side and studied Jayne intently while she thought about her answer.

"No he is my hero, he saved me from the Academy. Just like you saved Mattie from the water, I bet you are her hero too." River gave Jayne a wide smile and squeezed his shoulder again.

"You really think so?" Jayne asked hopefully, his voice cracking with emotion.

River nodded and stood up from the couch. "You are a good man Jayne Cobb, even if you won't admit it. I'm sure your baby sister feels the same way." She whispered and laid a gentle kiss on his forehead before turning and leaving the room.

Jayne sat on the couch for nearly an hour thinking about everything that had happened during the last few days. After a while he stood and wearily made his way to the bridge. After typing on the Cortex for a few minutes Jayne sat back, cleared his throat, and ran a hand across his head.

The screen beeped once and Jayne's ma was suddenly on the screen.

"Hey Ma, how ya doin?"

"My Jayne how are you? Ya look tired everything alright?" His Ma asked.

"I'm doin ok ma, s'been a rough couple a days here, but I'm ok. We lost a couple crew members though." He replied without going into any detail.

"Oh Jayne I'm so sorry. There anything ya need?" His Ma asked with genuine sadness over the loss of people she'd never even met.

"Nah we'll be alright. How's Mattie doin?" Jayne asked.

"She's doin just fine. Its summer here, she always does better in the summer."

Jayne nodded and took a deep breath before he continued.

"So I was thinkin that maybe me and the crew could come stay there for a bit. We're gonna have some stuff ta take care of first but after that maybe we could come there for awhile. We got us a real good doc on board. He's annoying as hell, but he's a good doc and I was thinkin maybe he could take a look at Mattie. Don't know if there's anything he could do for her, but well he takes real good care a his little sister so maybe he could do somethin fer Mattie."

Jayne's mother's face broke into a wide smile. "Jayne that's so nice a ya and I'll get ta see my boy, it's been too long since I seen ya. But things has been kinda hard lately we ain't got the money ta pay some fancy doctor."

"Don't worry ma I know him he won't charge anything fer helpin her. Plus his little sis has had a bad time of it, think maybe it'd do her some good ta be there for a bit. I think she and Mattie'll hit it off." Jayne assured her.

"Well sounds just fine Jayne. You just wave me whenever ya can get here. Ya'll are welcome anytime."

"Thanks Ma. I love ya, tell Mattie I love her too." Jayne added before signing off.

"We love ya too Jayne." His mother added before the wave ended.

Jayne turned to find River standing behind him.

"You been ease droppin on me little bit?" He asked.

"Yes." She answered simply without sounding the least bit ashamed of it.

"So ya think yer brother'll take a look at Mattie?"

"Of course he will. He has a soft spot for little sisters after all." She answered with a grin.

Jayne returned the smile and impulsively pulled River into a one armed hug as he led her off the bridge.

"Yeah well guess that makes two of us then huh?" He joked and gave River a quick kiss on her forehead before disappearing into his bunk.


End file.
